1164 Morning Glory Drive

You may recognize that TV Land address, it's only the home of the coolest 70's family on the block. Yes I'm talking about the Brady Bunch. What young girl hasn't had a crush on Greg, Peter, or Bobby? We would shriek and giggle in our fight to claim them as our boyfriend for 30 minutes every Friday night (we're talking grade school, people).

Now that I'm dating again I find myself thinking more about Marcia, Jan, and Cindy. Hypothetically, let's say every woman has been a Cindy, a Jan, or a Marcia at some time in their life. I've always been a perpetual Cindy. She's young and energetic, she appears naive because of her happy positive outlook, but she's seen the dark side and just chooses to overcome it. During the end of my marriage, I probably saw more Jan Brady than I cared to admit. All the whining and nagging and complaining and that was just my husband (just kidding). No, I had some grey, pity party days just like Jan. What I'm surprised at now is how much Marcia I'm channeling.

Who knew I'd be ready to enjoy the attention of an attractive man as he opens the door for me, pays the check, and offers up a goodnight kiss (or two). But just like Marcia.....I'm starting to get a big head and I get a little put off if the attention isn't always focused on me - me - me. Jan knew what a pain in the ass Marcia could be to live with. Can't we hear Jan in her tiny little voice saying...."Marcia, Marcia, Marcia."

There's one woman in the Brady household that really had it made and that was Alice. She had the 70's version of Friends With Benefits. She had her own career, her own car, she went years with a date every Saturday night with Mel the Butcher and she held out until the end of the series before she married the dude. Now that was a perfect hookup.

I'm learning so much about myself in every phase of this new single life. I'm making mistakes but failing forward I hope? As Garrison Keillor said, "nothing bad ever happens to a writer, it's all material."

Free Parking

 Spoiler Alert: no Monopoly cash required.

Did you know that Monopoly went modern with a credit card system? No more paper dollars to count, to rip, or lose under the couch. I didn't know if I'd like the change. Math was such a big factor of Monopoly, and honestly, it made it such a long and boring game as I remember. But all that's changed with the addition of credit cards. Now the game just flies bye. The power plays are rampant as we buy, sell, and collect rent as moguls like Donald Trump. I've played the game 3 times this month already since my favorite son requested it for his January birthday.

Change is good. Games change. Hairstyles change. Music changes.

I used to feel stuck in the 70's always preferring Eric Clapton or Rod Stewart over Kelly Clarkson or R.E.M. But when change blows through your life it's good to hang on and ride the wave. Who knew I'd be belting out the lyrics of Adele, Gym Class Heroes, or even Nikki Minaj in the car? Of course never as good as little Sophia Grace from The Ellen Show. I'll always have the 70's music in my heart but I'm dialed into contemporary music now (she says with a "Poker Face.")

Sometimes feeling stuck is like being in jail - think I'm gonna hang onto this card for good luck!

42nd Street

The shopping season is over, thank goodness. Traffic was congested, the Malls were congested, even my sinuses were congested. It's tough finding the perfect present when you have a long list of family and friends. Despite the crowds, the time limits, and all the spending - I had to be thankful I wasn't in New York shopping over the holidays. They have traffic in spades, what with the cars, the cabbies, the tourists and the ghosts of Broadway hovering over the city.

There was Tevia in Bloomingdales, with his credit cards on the counter and his hands up in the air, wailing and singing.....If I were a rich man. Over at Macy's, definitely......the sun will come out tomorrow, as Daddy Warbucks shopped for Little Orphan Annie. Some people are just hard to buy for. Marion the Librarian didn't want those 76 trombones and as Julie Andrews told Rex Harrison - no gifts darling but.... I could have danced all night. Outside on Fifth Avenue, there was Curley and Laurey..... in a surrey with the fringe on top. And there was still one shopper in a taxi 2 blocks away belting this out the window....Get ready for me, world, 'cause I'm a comer, I simply gotta march - my hearts a drummer, Nobody, no nobody is gonna rain on my parade.....

Where is that elusive perfect gift? Like every girl, some of my favorite things are..... brown paper packages tied up with strings. And who doesn't love a perfectly square box with a fabulous red bow? Why it's just.....loverly. My best gift? It wasn't .....bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens this year. My best gift, as it turns out, came wrapped in a man's woolen suit and a bright copper tie.

Carpool Lane

 
Do you ever feel like you belong in the carpool lane? Because when you think about it, there's you and then there's your alter ego cartoon you in the car.

I've always felt a strong affinity for Wonder Woman. She can fly, she has great hair, she rocks a great costume, and when she appears - people notice. Whoops, I guess I'm only batting 500 here. My point being......I've stumbled onto some karma, some aura, some flirtatious vibe of popularity and my hair has been pretty great too.

When I was sporting that black eye I had 2 guys chat me up at Caribou. My BFF, the blonde beautiful girl next door, even said she doesn't get that much attention over coffee. I chocked it up to freakish curiosity on their part. Then at WalMart, the cashier dude talks me up and steps out from the register and personally loads my bags of Cheerios, rotisserie chicken and fresh strawberries into my cart like a Boy Scout? Hhhmm, I'm thinking....that's nicely weird?

And now the old dude from the dating site, that showed polite sympathy for my stupid accident at the Mall of America, turned out to be a great first date. His profile picture looked like Jerry Stiller on a bad day, no not Ben, but Jerry. So I washed my hair and hoped for the best. Well once I sat down face to face with him I could see there was nothing old and decrepit about this guy. He was a very young 51 and the more we chatted the better looking he got. Funny how that goes. And by the end of our second date I was starting to feel that Wonder Woman vibe a lot stronger.

Ah, but this morning as Gizmo and I were walking in the early morning hours, I tried to flash my brilliant smile at the hot neighbor that was jogging past but somehow he didn't see the fine hair (under the warm hunting cap), or feel the flirty vibe (from my hot pink scarf), or even the XXL costume peeking out (from my down jacket). It dashed all my secret plans to trot alongside him and discover if he really was Superman or just Clark Kent?

One of these days I'm going to take that carpool lane and fly as fast as my car can take me....'cuz there's no wondering about this woman. Just like Wonder Woman I'm on a mission "to bring the Amazon ideals of love and peace to a world torn apart by the hatred of men." Or something like that...... Happy New Year!

Mall of America - Next Right

I took an interesting trip at the Mall of America recently. Literally. I tripped on a rug and fell face first on the floor. I don't often fall, in fact, I'm super cautious and very aware of my surroundings since I'm often walking the dog in the dark and in all kinds of weather. But still I ended up on the Mall floor with a Technicolor black eye.

It got me thinking about how often we duck when trouble is headed our way. When you're falling and the floor is coming fast - there's no time to duck. I'm one who likes to duck. I'd rather take cover and avoid pain thank you. Controversy? No sirree, you can have it. But somehow trouble always seems to find me. Just when I think I've got time to stop, drop, and roll -- I trip and get a faceplant instead.

Who wants trouble? Each day has it's own worries so I don't want to borrow trouble. We're all going to trip, right? We're all going to fall or fail or screw up. But what's more important ----where you fall or how you get up?

I'd like to think that when 4 pairs of eyes are hovering above you asking to help that how you get up is key. Thinking too much about losing face isn't going to bring you back on your feet. You need to catch the view from the floor and determine you want to be upright at all costs. If a few strangers can help you back on your feet than don't be proud - take the help and determine to pay it forward.

I was distracted when I tripped, I'll admit. Those guys that wear the skinny girl jeans? How do they do that? I said to myself, as I followed the guy wearing the skinny girl jeans into the Mall. So take my advice don't duck and avoid every mishap just determine to get back up in a better place.

Saint Paul, next 3 exits.....

This week I followed exits that took me to new places; some exits ended good some not so good.

On Sunday I discovered an easy route down to New Prague, MN where I had spent many summer afternoons as a girl while my parents golfed. The weekly pilgrimage took forever from the backseat, but it's funny how now that I'm in the driver's seat, I see it's just an easy 25 minute drive. The exit into town was rewarded with a great chatfest over lunch with a good friend.

I confirmed my address and the exits leading to my house on Monday. This allowed an appraiser to arrive and do his magic for my anticipated Refi. But, unfortunately, that didn't happen. I found out that my house is average (hey, average is still good) but due to the low-priced home sales in my area my house is upside down - financially speaking. My hopes for a Refi took an exit, stage right.

On Wednesday, I rode a big yellow school bus with the fourth grade class to the St. Paul Science Museum. We learned about the famous mummy who had been encased in glass even before I was in the fourth grade. This funky dude was embalmed by his people with the hopes of being transported into the netherworld to live in eternity with the gods they worshiped. Well wouldn't he be surprised to learn he only made it as far as St. Paul, MN.

And lastly, the exit I took tonight led me to the jr. high for day 2 of wrestling practice. My son is trying out a new sport and I'm on the sidelines soaking it all in, trying to understand why 2 hot sweaty guys want to chase each other in a circle just to slam each other ferociously to the mat. I finally shook my head and asked the dad next to me what the fascination was with wrestling and he answered, "it's all about domination and proving you have the strength to take down your opponent." I guess I'm not the dominatrix type. I've never been a fan of WWF so it will take some getting used to if my son becomes the next  Stone Cold-Steve Austin or John Cena.

I've started to think differently about exits. Leaving the highway isn't an end for me anymore, it's more of a warm welcome as I trade the speed of the 4 lanes for the scenery of the 2 lanes. It's great to be in the rat race at times but when the sign reads next exit in 2 miles, and I know it's my exit, I can turn off expectantly to find my lovely upside home still waiting for me all cozy and warm. Of course John Cena, a.k.a. my son, may just be lurking behind the drapes ready to take down his mom but I've been paying attention at practices and I'll razzle dazzle him with my finesse and use my triple threat of hugging, kissing, and tickling to whup his behind. Nobody messes with this mama jama!

Chased by the Cops

Last weekend I watched the classic chick flick, Thelma and Louise. I remember being so shocked by the undoing of these suburban women in the film. They evolve from being tightly wound Stepford-like women with no voice into strong-willed independent women who can stand on their own. Unfortunately, their transformation also includes guns, murder, robbery and being chased by the cops (small details, LOL).

Thelma lets loose her inner vixen and flirts with a new breed of men - Brad Pitt being one of them and who can blame her? Along this path of broken hearts, broken laws and miss-adventures they find their courage and their power bolstered by their deep friendship. In the end they are cornered and forced by the cops to be taken captive dead or alive -- and the most powerful moment of the film is when they decide it won’t be either.

It kind of makes you think about your friends and you wonder – which of my friends would be there with me driving triumphantly over a cliff in a blue mustang?

I have this friend, I’ll call her Junie, and she is every bit as powerful as Louise and every bit the vixen like Thelma. Junie has been to hell and back watching the men in her life disappoint her and lead her astray by their lame example. But Junie had the inner resources, the gift, of reinventing herself at critical crossroads in her life. Junie seems to find the strength in herself and the faith in her Lord to pull herself through each impasse to carve out a new corner of the world that beckons her to move past, to move forward, and to do better.

After supporting me through my divorce, rescuing a co-worker from domestic abuse, and offering her home to some hard-luck adults with questionable rental history she has proven the critics wrong by empowering us all, this ragged lot of vagabonds, into standing tall, into rising above our crises, and showing us by example that we must pay it forward.

Junie is moving on this month. She’s trusting God to move her life in a new direction thousands of miles from here. I’m anticipating the stories she’ll post online of her new adventures, her new men, and her new outreach to her community. Junie has changed the dynamic of her past by blazing this new life of reaching out to others. Her example of paying it forward goes before her and will light the path for her future.

If I ever find myself in a blue mustang with the top down I’ll honk my horn and blast my radio for you Junie – you’re my Thelma and Louise package deal! Have a great ride!!